Vacation, Naked Barbies, and Sex Talks

It was a long, cold January. And a challenging one for us, so I did what I haven't done in 11 years of marriage...

I took Leatha (without kids!) on a vacation. It was a week of sun, ocean, reading and relaxing. I was working my way through Leviticus and didn't expect it to be the oasis for my soul that it was. Leviticus 25 reminded me that it's my pride that keeps me from not resting. Workaholism is another manifestation of self-reliance and idolatry. God seemed to think there needed to be a rhythm to rest- 1/7 days, 1/7 years, 1/50 years, and a few extended vacation/parties in between.

I almost didn't post anything about our vacation because it's easy for people cooped up their rooms reading this to struggle with jealousy and perhaps get the wrong idea ("Why can't I...?"). At least that's what goes through my mind on occasion. But I went ahead and posted this because I think in general we need to hear that it's not a sign of weakness to rest...
There was something really funny that happened on the trip- you can read about it (click here for iloveshelling.com). There was a popular shelling blogger that stumbled upon me stumbling upon this treasure on my first ever shelling exploration... (Don't get distracted by my muscles- I'm getting ready for a body building competition)
This sums up the last day of our trip, "Awesome...best day of the year"
Here's downtown Chicago from our plane. I was singing Rich Mullins in my mind, "We are not as strong as we think we are."
Last night Troy Nesbitt came to speak to Salt Company in the bar. The topic- "Sex". As always, he did an awesome job. You can find it here (it should be up sometime today on the saltiowacity.com website- click media). I also just finished listening to the brilliant Peter Kreeft on the topic of "Sex in Heaven". This is exercise and worship for the mind. Here's Troy at the Blue Moose...
I guess my kids could've used a sex talk. This is our junk drawer. At least someone colored a (Janet Jackson) bra on Barbie. She's getting ready for a half time show or something.

Troy joined us for our "Elders in Training" meeting this morning. Here's Troy in all his glory at 5:45 a.m. Troy is in a competition with a Cornerstone staff guy to see who will cave first on getting a hair cut. I guess we'll all get an idea of what Samson looked like (minus the muscles)

Here are the elders in training, minus Jeff Allgood and me (L to Rt: Jeff Thune, Aaron Hill, Dave Graber, Eric Bodin, Dale Mullikin, Rod Reinertson) on our first retreat.

Only 16 days between blog posts. I'm getting back on track to my 5x/week pace!

(My Last) Winter Spring TSC Retreat

Well, I think I went out with a bang. This was my last retreat as the director of the Salt Company, and it was up there with the best of them. Soli Deo Gloria.

Here's the highlight reel...

1. Matt the security guard experiences love, community, and in his words, "liberty" for the first time in his life.

Here's a picture of Matt. He was a new man. (From L to R: James Laugerman, Me, Nathan Kaloupek, Matt, Gabe Noll, Zach Gilbert)

There are no better college students on planet earth than in TSC. Our students loved every person in the hotel. Matt was a gruff security guard who worked the evening/graveyard shift. Our students engaged him in conversation, and he would frequent our meetings. The Spirit of God among us pulled him in. On Saturday night, I got a call from one of our students at 4:30 am, saying, "Mark, can you come to our room, we've got the security guard in our room." I'm thinking, "Great, just what I need at 4:30 am. What did you guys do now?" But then Zach (TSCer) says, "No, he wants us to pray with him, could you come help us out?"

Being the not so good shepherd I said, "Bro, you guys got it this far, what do you need me for?"

This was the scene I saw as I was leaving the hotel on Sunday morning...

2. Worship

I was so proud of the Anthem team. We went out on a limb and introduced a bunch of our new songs. By Saturday night and Sunday morning, God seemed to descend on our group during the worship.

It was a frenzy getting ready, as we often determined the worship order minutes before playing. We were also finalizing lyrics and music parts minutes before, since they were all new songs, even to us.

Jesse wrote a new song called "Glory and Honor" and it's got anointing all over it. It got me pumped for Anthem (Thursday, April 29)

3. Paul Sabino

He was like Josh Hamilton at the home run derby two years ago. Everything pitched to him ended up in the bleachers. Paul is one of the main reasons I hate to leave Cornerstone in Ames. What a great brother! Jeff Dodge calls him "Apollos." (Acts 18:24-ff). I have never wept so much during a sermon as I did on Sunday morning. Check it out on the TSC website: click here.

4. Two fraternities decided to have their formal at the Embassy Suites with us.

Big mistake.

Not for us, but for them. It's hard to have fun getting wasted and being immoral when you've got 400 college students reading their Bibles, praying throughout the hotel, and filling the hotel with worship.

It was a study in

contrast.

Ten feet and a thin wall separated passion filled worship from pagan revelry. (I'm not even sure what "pagan revelry" is, but I'm pretty sure that's what I was seeing Saturday night.) Illustrations of Romans 1:18-ff (passionate rebellion and suppression of truth) were in abundance. Multiple comments were heard, "You're judging us." In one case, a sorority girl gets on the elevator, wearing a bikini. She was basically naked. Here's the exchange:

Naked girl: "I'm not wearing any clothes, am I?"

Innocent male TSC student, holding his Bible, going up to his room: "Umm. No?"

Naked girl: "That's not a nice thing to say."

In her moment of shame, she turns the table to put the Christian in the place of the transgressor, so as to say, "You're not nice for judging me."

In another case, some Greek guys were mocking us with their snide comments and looks when I asked them what house they were in. "Sig Eps" they said. When I told them I was a Sig Ep, their tone changed. Ooops. That's a cardinal sin in the Greek world. Always show respect to brothers, especially older ones. I'm sad for those guys. I've seen their emptiness up close and personal.

5. My guys

Joey and Willie, two guys in one of my Bible studies shared their experiences from the weekend. Both of them were on the other side of the wall 6-8 months ago.

Joey (on left) said, "I was so close the partying this weekend (just on the other side of the wall), but I felt so far away. And I know if I ever tried to go back, I'd have 400 people pulling me back toward Christ."

Willie (on Rt) talked about how much God has changed his life this year, and how he experienced intimacy with Christ in worship like never before. At one point during "Glory and Honor", he said it was like God reached down to him and swept him up into His presence.

He also shared how their small group decided to do hotel evangelism on Saturday night instead of have their discussion. It was his first experience sharing the gospel like that. Two girls (also in bikinis) ran outside with their beers to avoid them. The doors locked behind them. Oops. But apparently being naked and freezing with a beer is better than hearing the gospel.

6. The talent show

What luck... JB and Linda's bus broke down on their way back to Branson. They shared their new CD called, "Back to the Biblical Basics of Marriage...Courtship Edition". We didn't get it recorded, but I can assure you we will have them do it at TSC before the year's over and we'll get a good recording. All the acts were amazing...the winner was Audrey and crew with their stadium cleanup spoof.

7. Hanging with my kids

This is the first retreat that I had a couple of my kids with me the whole time. Leatha planned to be there, but 2 of the little ones were sick. Life as a mom...

It's premature to get sentimental, but this was a retreat I'll never forget.

SDG.

Odds and Ends

Still no baby as of 11:52 pm Thursday night. I'll keep you up to date.

Tonight Beck (4), said, "Mom, if you know Jesus you won't die when you have the baby, but if you don't know Jesus, you will die." Leatha said, "Beck, I could die, but since I know Jesus, I'll be with God forever." He said, "That's true. Good point, mom."

Darrell Green's hall of fame speech relates to my post on "Sex and Faithfulness." The whole thing is good, but at least start listening at 4:40. It reminded me of the Apostle Paul in 2 Timothy 4:7, saying at the end of his life, "I fought the good fight."

Also, good thoughts from Alex Tuckness on diamonds: click here.

I've enjoyed getting caught up on the New Perspective of Paul from Scot McKnight's blog: click here for the posts. This is one of the more important theological discussions going on right now. It's become John Piper Vs. N.T. Wright, with McKnight's blog representing the Wright camp. Great things to think about, but if you're not inclined to enjoy deep theological debates, don't waste your time... I'll consider writing a blog post summarizing what's at stake.

That last sentence was totally worthless.

So was that.

I'm going to bed.

Oh yeah, Salt was awesome tonight. I met a new guy that wandered into Cornerstone today seeking help in his relationship with Christ. He came tonight and met some great guys and got in their connection group. And once again, tons of international students were there. Two Chinese guys said, "Wow, someday we might be able to have the excitement that's in you guys."

This is church!

Thoughts on Sex and Faithfulness

"Sex isn't all it's cracked up to be."

I'll never forget that quote from a newly married TSC guy 10 years ago. I was not yet married, and thought to my 22 year old self, "Yeah, right. That dude must've gotten stuck with a bad wife. Bummer for him. I'll do better."

Now I think, "Dude had a point. It's nothing like I thought."

You see, immorality and promiscuity are more thrilling than purity and faithfulness. But only in the way that robbing a bank is more thrilling than going to work there.

Working for a paycheck is not always fun, but it's always good.

Sex is better than going to work, but you get the point.

Here's a related thought... Should you really say to your spouse, "I will NEVER cheat on you?"

Isn't that a little proud to say such a thing? After all, we're sinners in need of grace, and we are not beyond any sin. Right? "If you think you're standing firm, be careful that you don't fall..." (1 Cor. 10). How can you know you'll be faithful? The demon of adultery is just around the corner for all of us, waiting to jump out and overtake any helpless human being it seeks to devour.

Can you tell I'm setting you up?

I told Leatha tonight, "I will NEVER cheat on you."

It's not pride. It's not arrogance. It's merely restating a vow I said to her 9 1/2 years ago in front of about 300 friends and family. I think we should say this often, to our spouse and to ourself. And, in this case, to the world wide web. By God's grace, I will keep my vow. I will never be unfaithful.

And faithfulness is not necessarily as fun, but always in my best interest.

It's better to work at the bank than rob it.

Duh.

Be faithful (Proverbs 3:3-4).

An American Tragedy

A couple years ago, Leatha and I enjoyed spending an hour of our Monday nights watching a fun loving couple, Jon and Kate, raise their 8 children (twins and sextuplets). Last year, we slowly lost interest and stopped watching. We noticed that something was changing about this family.

Tonight we watched about 15 minutes of the show to find out that Jon and Kate were getting a divorce. Another American tragedy- for many reasons...

1. The recent explosion of communication mediums has been an incubator for narcissism and cult of personality. 

But in our present age, the heroes worshiped are normal people, not dictators. 

One of my mentors, David Churchill, who taught me how to watch movies, told me that the most prophetic movie of our time is the Truman Show. There is profound depth to the movie, but the basic story is people watching other people live. 

Spending our time watching other people live...what have we become? What have I become? (After all, I was one of those 20 million viewers...)

2. The "me" generation knows nothing about faithfulness and sacrifice

Jon and Kate looked like they had turned into a couple of teenagers- Kate with her new immodest wardrobe, and Jon with his earrings and skull tshirt (which had replaced the Isaiah t) arguing over such pettiness. 

Kate talked about how she feared they would be labeled as just another statistic. I think her real fear is that there will be consequences for their sin. There always is. And what is more... her kids will inherit the consequences of her unfaithfulness.

If you happen to be reading this and you have thought about divorce as an option for your current situation... send that thought back to hell. Don't say it or even think it. 

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you. Bind them around your neck. Write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and men." Proverbs 3:3-4

3. "Better a little..."

We live in a culture of much. But wealth is such a trap. 

At some point the show went from a nice way to document their children's upbringing to "We're going to Hawaii...moving into a ??? million dollar home...traveling the U.S. to autograph books..." 

A mother of 8 on a book signing tour?

We look at people like that and are tempted to think, "They have it all and they are happy. Why can't I have that kind of life?"

If you're struggling with that, just watch the Madame Blueberry Veggie Tale DVD and remind yourself what great gain really is.

1 Timothy 6 and Proverbs 15 are well worth reflecting on. 

4. To the singles out there...

If you're dreaming about a great marriage someday, here's some advice: Be faithful today. Be pure today. Love God in a way that He's all you want and need today. 

In doing this, you will become a kind of person. 

You'll become the kind of person that is faithful and walks on a path of righteousness. 

You may have watched Jon and Kate and thought, "It can happen to anyone of us. Satan just snuck around the corner and zapped them. It could be me next." 

Not really. 

Over time they decided to let greed, fame, selfishness, pride, pleasure, and unfaithfulness turn their hearts from Matthew 6:33 "Seek first...". 

Those sins were welcomed into their home one compromise at a time. At some sad point, those 32 year old teenagers I was watching tonight opened wide the door of destruction, becoming another American tragedy. 

"God, reveal to me the ways in which I've allowed apathy, complacency, lukewarm faith, and languid service to creep into my soul. Release in me a longing for the unseen, where Christ is all in all. Guide me on a path of righteousness for Your name's sake, chasing me with goodness and mercy, leading me not into temptation. Give me a dangerous faith that involves sacrificial love-first for my wife and children, and then to those you put in my path. I am a sinner saved by grace. And in grace I will now stand. Amen."

Song of Songs

Yesterday I listened to this message by Mark Driscoll on "The Dance of Mahanaim." It's considered one of the most erotic passage in the Bible. 

It is said that sex is one of the top conflicts in marriage (right up there with finances and in-laws). So that means that many of you married folk who are reading this might benefit from this sermon. I haven't listened to the whole series, but it also might be a good listen for you and your spouse if you are struggling in this area.

If you are single, it might be a good listen because it's in the Bible.

Recently, someone gave a talk at a conference (strategic ambiguity) and was very critical of Driscoll's openness in talking about sex. He referred to it as the "pornification of the pulpit." I'm not sure if the guy who was giving the talk has ever worked with youth, or himself been through junior high and high school. 

Every year in our youth group we would get the "purity" talks. They talked about "petting" and whether or not it was ok. I think that's the proper way to talk about it without being lewd and uncouth. "Petting"?! Here's an unhelpful thing to say to a teenager, "Petting is wrong." Try this: "If she's not your wife, keep your mouth off her mouth and your hands off her chest" (or you can actually tell them not to touch her boobs if you want them to really get the point. In talking to the teenager in person I would get even more specific. But I don't think the world wide web is ready for that).

All this to say, a culture that is so saturated with sex, and therefore profoundly confused, needs to be confronted with a redeemed view of God's design. Props to Driscoll for speaking on this. You can podcast the whole Song of Songs series on iTunes for free. 

Somewhat related...

I was in on an email discussion about the theology of rewards in heaven. It's hard for us to imagine what rewards will be like in heaven, because we are limited by our experience of the pleasures of this life. As Peter Kreeft said, "We are like concerned children asking if married couples can eat candy while having sex."

Thanks, Peter Swanson for the quote and great thoughts on rewards!

I'm an idiot.

Men, your wives need to read this post. It will either make them grateful you're not as much of an idiot as I am, or it will help them see you're just like many other men (or at least there's one other man in the world like you...)

Leatha gave me simple instructions before I left to run errands yesterday, "Stop by Aldi and get the following...Here's a note with everything I want you to get there." Easy enough.

I ran some of my errands then went to the grocery store and got EVERYTHING on the list (no more, no less). It was a success. A huge success. She even gave me $22 cash (we use an envelope system), and the bill came to $20.96. I thought, "Wow, she's good at estimating, but good thing I went for the no-name stuff (and sale items). I called her, proud of my accomplishment.

I said, "Babe, I'm just 10 minutes away- I'm just leaving Fareway."

"FAREWAY!!!!!????," she exclaimed.

"Yeah...uh..." (I look at the top of the note and realize my mistake)

"Mark, you spent at least $8 more than you would've at Aldi"

Even as I post this, she's saying, "That makes me sick to my stomach [with a smile of course]"

Well, when things are tight financially, it's never fun to work so hard at saving money here and there, then to watch your husband flush cash down the toilet.

It might have been worth the laugh this time, but seriously- think about it. The difference between a cheap grocery store (Fareway) and an even cheaper one (Aldi), was $8 on 10 items! If I made the same mistake every week, or if we just didn't go to Aldi for certain items (we don't get certain items there...) that's about $380 over the course of the year. That's a mini family vacation. Or a weekend long date with Leatha. Or eating out for date night a couple times every month.

I know we shouldn't obsess over pinching pennies, but there is something to be said about shopping smart. By shopping with shrewdness, it's like Leatha is making money for us.

The only problem is me.

Maybe next time I'll remember to go to the right grocery store.

Now I just need to turn my attention to not getting anymore parking tickets. Shhh....

Dating, Courtship, or Arranged Marriages?

The college ministry I lead, the Salt Company, just finished a 3 week series on dating. I thought I would share some of my thoughts with you.

Basically, I have scaled down my notes from the two weeks. The full version, with more stories and illustrations is available through our itunes podcast or online at www.saltcompany.com The talk is broken into two parts- "The Absolutes of Dating" and "The Advice of Dating"...

A couple years ago I got an email from a high school girl in our youth group who asked me what I thought about dating. This girl was a pretty typical 17 year old from a pretty typical American family. Her parents basically had a marriage of convenience. In other words, they thought they would take the virtuous route and wait until all their kids graduated before they got divorced. Her dad was an absentee father. Her mom was a nominal church attendee who was faithful to take her to confirmation classes.

Basically, everything she knew about the opposite sex, she learned from what she saw on television, or in the movie theater, or through late night conversations with her friends.

What do you say to this girl?

I realized at that moment, that I was the closest thing she had to a dad.

I did have some conversations with her at youth group, but she always felt more comfortable asking questions via email/online (typical of this generation- awkward in person and bear my soul online). I always enlisted my wife in helping me answer her questions, because I knew the stakes were so high. Moreover, my wife could understand her situation more than me. We were like e-parents.

I really felt the weight of this question. She wants my help in the thinking through the second most important decision of her life.

The stakes are high! I feel the weight of this talk, because I realize that so many of you have never had a mom or a dad open the Bible and share God’s wisdom in how to relate to the opposite sex. Some of you that did have that benefit, in high school you might have been too proud to listen.

But now you’re mature enough and ready to listen.

Series: Ancient Wisdom; Tonight: Dating

Proverbs 2

My 4 word challenge: LISTEN TO ANCIENT WISDOM

Part 1- The Absolutes of Dating

1. Don’t focus on getting the right person, focus on becoming the right person

When it comes to your life- what is God most concerned about?

What does God want most for you?

Proverbs 1:7 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.”

Proverbs is not a dating manual- it’s Solomon telling his son what kind of person he needs to become- he begins with what you think about God and how it affects your life (fear the Lord)

John 17:17- “Sanctify them by the truth…”

Colossians 1:28 “We proclaim him…so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ.”

My friend Joe, totally not walking with God, made the statement “I’m just praying for the right girl” His mom Sally (and everyone else’s surrogate mom) rebuked him- “What do you mean!? You’ve got to become the right guy before you attract the right girl. Are you sure you deserve a beautiful godly woman?”

- Ask yourself- am I date able? (to date a quality individual, you’ve got to be one)

I meet guys that attend TSC and I often think, “I’m so glad your immoral, undisciplined, flirtatious ways haven’t sucked in one of our TSC guys/girls.”

Here’s another question to consider: Would Mark want me to marry Ava (or Cameron)?

If your life is consumed by finding a mate, you’re consumed with the wrong thing. The greatest command is to love God with all your heart, soul, strength and mind.

Then the second command is like it- then you’re free to date.

I mean love your neighbor… (I always get that mixed up)

2. Trust God- he is smarter than you (and he runs the show)

Proverbs 3:5-6; 16:1, 3-4, 9; 19:21; 20:24; 21:30

I didn’t want to include these verses in this point, because they say things like, “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” In other words- God is in charge, not you.

The point of this is not to do what you want, it’s to trust him- that his way is always the best way to do life.

Do relationships his way, not your own.

When you’re trusting God, you’re content. You don’t need anything or anyone else.

If you date because you want someone to fill the emptiness and loneliness that’s in your heart- you will not only jack your own life up, but the other person as well.

It’s unfair to ask another human being to do what only God can do- namely, satisfy your soul.

What human can say, Psalm 16:11, “You have made known to me the path of life…”

The coolest wedding I’ve ever done- Phillip and Erin’s Story

They met at youth group and began to date in high school; it was a pretty typical high school relationship. In college, Erin surrendered her life to Jesus and Philip and Erin went their separate ways. Every 6 months or so, Philip would call Erin to see if she was interested in getting back together. She said “no” every time. She resolved in her heart that she would never marry, because Philip was the only man she loved and he was not following Jesus. On a couple of occasions, Philip tried to tell her that he had changed, and he was seeking God. But she could see through it. It needed to be God’s timing. She moved on with life, moving to Florida and purchasing a condo there. It had now been almost 8 years since they had dated, but this time the call was different. God had gotten a hold of Philip’s life, and this time it was a new Philip on the other line. In a matter of months, they decided to get back together and with their parent’s blessing, they got married. On January 26^th in a small chapel, I performed their wedding ceremony (it was quite a performance I must say). I’ll never forget her dad’s comments at the reception, “Not many dads can say this about their daughter, but my daughter is my spiritual mentor.” She was rock solid in her trust in God. Here’s their picture… (This picture could be in a magazine if not for that goof-ball in the background...)

That’s a cool love story.

(some of you just need to get over some old high school flame and move on…)

But all of us need to learn from this story of trust.

God was enough for Erin. She didn’t need this relationship to make her happy. So she wasn’t about to let her love for Philip trump her love for God. She submitted her desires, and God was gracious to her.

If you do happen to be lonely and want to get married to fulfill the void, just remember the words of my Grandpa Bill, “It’s better to be lonely than miserable.”

3. Listen to your parents.

Proverbs 13:1; 15:5

41 times Solomon addresses his “son.” Proverbs is a book for college students.

The phrase “listen (or pay attention) my son” is used 8 times

One of the biggest mistakes young people make in life is not listening to their parents.

Of all the commands in the Bible, this is the only one with a promise- your life will be better if you listen to your parents.

You can’t think you’re OK with God and on a good path if your parents don’t think you are (some exceptions, of course, if your parents are hostile to Christianity)

4. Listen to Solomon

He uses the word “listen” 17 times.

How exactly do you listen to Solomon? Prov. 2:1, “store up my commands within you.”

Read it. Memorize it. Think about it. Ponder it. Treasure it.

I never read the Proverbs more in my life than while I was dating Leatha. I had to know, God is this the one for me? So I read morning and evening and between classes. Then one day we had a conversation, and Leatha told me she wanted a skill saw. I thought that was ridiculous… A skill saw? Apparently she wanted to build stuff. That night I got on my knees and opened my Bible to the Proverb of the day- Proverbs 14. The first verse I read… Proverbs 14:1 "The wise woman builds her house"- another mark in her favor, chalk it up on the pro side. The struggle was that there were also some marks on the con side, too.

5. Listen to your spiritual mentor(s), friends, and others who will speak truth

Proverbs 5:11-14 “At the end of your life you will groan…I would not obey my teachers or listen to my instructors…”

Proverbs 11:14; 13:20; 15:22

There was a leader in the Salt Company a number of years ago. He was in my leader’s group and we were in his dorm room. There were inappropriate pictures of pretty women on his wall, so I told him he should take them down. He was almost offended at my audacity to tell him what he should/should not hang on his walls. This man got married soon after. Within weeks of getting married, he called me crying. His marriage was falling apart. He was divorced within a few months.

6. Marriage between a man and a woman is good

If you weren’t here last week, you really need to hear Troy’s message on Sex. He hit a home run.

Don’t suppress your romantic feelings, submit them

Summary: Marriage is good, Sex is good, and it’s ok to desire both.

Proverbs 18:22

7. Sexual immorality will destroy everyone involved

There’s so much we could say about this. We did a talk last spring at TSC, addressing the issue of “How far is too far?” You can download the talk at www.saltcompany.com

Proverbs 5:15-23 is pretty clear- if you don’t want your future husband/wife doing this with some other man/woman, then it’s wrong. Solomon says never to touch a girl’s breast who is not your wife.

Proverbs 11:6- In purity, see yourself as being faithful to your future wife

It’s sort of like the Wedding Invitation Principle: You want to be able to attend his/her future wedding with no shame.

You may object: “But we love each other in our hearts.”

Some pastor gave this advice to someone I know- “But we love each other and we’re committed in our hearts”- That’s from hell. Send that satanic thought back to hell where it belongs.

If you’re not married, you’re not married. If you’re already committed in your hearts then I’ll marry you right after this service is over…

To date is to protect, not violate. Protect her purity for her future husband- it may or may not be you.

8. Don’t date a Non-Christ follower (2 Corinthians 6:14-ff)

Notice my terminology “Non-Christ follower”

There are a lot of you in this room that think you’re a Christian, but you’re not. To be a Christian means you’re following Jesus.

This is the last of the Biblical Absolutes, because to be totally honest, this is on the border line and I may be going too far to label this as an absolute. There is no direct command related to this. However, there is a command in 2 Corinthians 6:14-ff that certainly has this application.

If you marry a non-Christian, will you lose your salvation? No, you’ll just spend eternity in pergatory… just kidding.

You’ll just spend 50 years in purgatory (It may make your life on earth feel something like purgatory- if not hell)

Part 2- The Advice of Dating

Dating= a prearranged social engagement with someone of the opposite sex

The best dating advice is to tell you what kind of person to avoid and what kind of person to pursue…

Why is this advice? Because I’m not all of these things and neither is anyone in this room. You’ll never find someone who is perfectly all of these. But these are some things to be on the lookout for…

1. What to Avoid

Smooth talker (Proverbs 5:3; 6:24; 7:5; 7:21)

Unfaithful (3:3-4; 5:3; 7:19)

Oh, how huge faithfulness is!

Marriage is built on trust- if you can’t trust someone, don’t date them.

The effect of sex before marriage- it erodes trust

Foolish (and doesn’t realize it) (5:6; 7:19; 19:14; 30:20)

Immoral/flirtatious (6:24)

Immodest (7:10)

If you're a hunter and you make a turkey call, what are you going to get? Turkeys.

So it is with the way you dress…dress for turkeys and turkeys are what you will get!

Defiant (Beware of “I’m a Christian”) (7:14)

In love with Jesus (notice what I didn’t say… “Date a Christian”) That narrows it down- 90% of Americans think they’re a Christian. But have you ever been to a funeral where the person laying in the casket was not said to be in "a better place." Of course, everyone in America thinks they're heaven-bound.

*Lazy (9:13; 10:5! )- They’re not servant minded

Proud, Unteachable, and Quarrelsome- they have an opinion and have to be right about everything (12:1; 21:9; 21:19; 25:24; 27:15)

Watch out for someone with a chip on their shoulder

Are they a pleasant person to be around?

Angry, Bitter, or Quick Tempered person (22:24; 25:28; 29:11)

This is huge- don’t marry someone who has unresolved bitterness in their hearts. If they’ve got a uhaul trailer full of bitterness- you’re going to be hauling that baby around for the rest of your life. His/Her unforgiveness and brokenness will become your own.

2. What to Pursue…

Noble character (12:4; 19:14)

Listens to advice (12:15; 19:20; 24:6)

Lover of people (5:19)

Sweet spirit (11:16)

Patient (16:32!)

Hard worker (not work-a-holic) (24:30-34)

Self-Controlled- whether eating, drinking, purity… (23:20-21; 27:20; 28:7)

The bar (or buffet line) is not the best place to meet someone

Honor their parents (30:11)

*Diligence (Proverbs 31)

3. Remember the Superman Principle

Two people flying hard in the same direction- look over “Hey, you’re going to the same place.”

4. Don’t say “I love you” unless the next words are “Will you marry me?”

Love has been cheapened in our culture.

Love is not a feeling but a commitment- so just because you have some warm fuzzies about a person, doesn’t mean you need to drop the four letter L bomb on them.

5. Kissing is like playing with a tiger cub

Playing with a cub, or baby python- starts small and innocent (and fun for awhile) but it will soon to destroy you (Satan is the master of using momentary pleasure to deceive)

Or, like eating a candy bar. Imagine fasting/going without food for 18 years, then finding a snickers bar and only eating ¼ and leaving rest on table- It’s almost humanly impossible to do.

How long it will take you on your honeymoon to get from kissing to intercourse? Not long. So it's probably wise not to start...

6. Bad things happen late at night

Proverbs 7:9

Leatha and I decided we couldn’t be alone after 10:30

7. It’s passion and commitment, but mostly commitment

Feelings come and go.

How many of you have ever felt like throwing in the towel with your faith? (I haven’t J)

Did you stop loving Jesus because you didn’t feel his presence? NO

Some of the best growth happens in your life with God when persevere out of your love/commitment for Jesus

So it is with any relationship.

The vows are vows of commitment. The ring is a symbol of commitment.

Your marriage will be as good as your word.

8. Outward beauty matters, but not as much as you think.

Troy’s Song of Solomon talk two weeks ago- yes, there should be passion in marriage

But be careful about pursuing beauty without character!

Proverbs 31:30 is clear about this

Prov. 11:22- Beauty without discretion...

Sometimes you’re not attracted to someone because you’re attracted to the wrong things.

Men- word on the destructiveness of porn. Confess and be done with it. That’s you’re only hope. Every time you look at that you are destroying your future wife and kids.

9. Date with your eyes wide open, then close them half way when you get married.

If there’s nothing on your con list, then you’ve got a problem. This person is a sinner just like all of us. You better see that before you get into marriage.

10. Don’t get on I-35 going north if you don’t want to go to Minneapolis- Begin with the end in mind.

I got a call from a friend saying that he wanted to propose to this girl. He had dated her for well over a year and he was in love with her. She was the one. There was one small problem- this girl was unwilling to move to the farm. Not that he was planning on it, but there was always that chance it could happen someday. What should he do?

What kind of marriage and family do you want?

If you’re on two separate life journeys… this person feels called to serve overseas, or in the military, or has to travel for work or wants a small family...
Application:

Wait

If you came in here thinking you’re something sweet, scoping out the chicks you might want to wait.

If you’re just getting out of a relationship, you’re in this category

Date

Every culture has a different way…none of them are perfect

Illustration: Embera- show up in bed with your daughter; Afghanistan- arranged

Our Culture is Dating- So get on the ball and get yourself a date!

I think we need a demonstration: Two ways to get a date-

1. Put the phone on the stand and stare at the phone

2. Dial their number and push the green "send" button

Guys- if everytime you call she’s busy- she doesn’t want to go out with you

Ladies- if you’re really busy and you want to go out with him, tell him! (“I’m really busy but I’d love to hang out sometime”)

Guys, don’t be date-o-phobic.

Breakup (27:12; 28:26)

Some of you are being emotionally manipulated. You might be thinking, as I was 13 years ago, “If I break up with this person, they might kill themselves.”

You’re like a drug to them, the more you’re with them, the more harm you do to them than good.

What’s the best thing to do for a crack addict? Keep giving them crack as you counsel them and talk about how many brain cells are being destroyed? Of course not.

You are responsible for you, not him or her. Put them in God’s hands (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Dating is not something to mess around with. You don’t date to help someone else. You don’t date to lead someone to Jesus.

You date to find someone of excellent character to spend your life with.

Girls- break up with the jerk and get some girl friends who love Jesus

Guys- break up with the girl and get some accountabilibuddies (Thanks, John Dixon, I’ve been waiting all night to say that word. What a fun word, if you’re having a bad day, just say that word a couple times and it’s a sure smile.)

[At this point in the night, the audience texted in questions to a panel- that is on the podcast]