Monday, July 6, 2009

Thoughts on Sex and Faithfulness

"Sex isn't all it's cracked up to be."

I'll never forget that quote from a newly married TSC guy 10 years ago. I was not yet married, and thought to my 22 year old self, "Yeah, right. That dude must've gotten stuck with a bad wife. Bummer for him. I'll do better."

Now I think, "Dude had a point. It's nothing like I thought."

You see, immorality and promiscuity are more thrilling than purity and faithfulness. But only in the way that robbing a bank is more thrilling than going to work there.

Working for a paycheck is not always fun, but it's always good.

Sex is better than going to work, but you get the point.

Here's a related thought... Should you really say to your spouse, "I will NEVER cheat on you?"

Isn't that a little proud to say such a thing? After all, we're sinners in need of grace, and we are not beyond any sin. Right? "If you think you're standing firm, be careful that you don't fall..." (1 Cor. 10). How can you know you'll be faithful? The demon of adultery is just around the corner for all of us, waiting to jump out and overtake any helpless human being it seeks to devour.

Can you tell I'm setting you up?

I told Leatha tonight, "I will NEVER cheat on you."

It's not pride. It's not arrogance. It's merely restating a vow I said to her 9 1/2 years ago in front of about 300 friends and family. I think we should say this often, to our spouse and to ourself. And, in this case, to the world wide web. By God's grace, I will keep my vow. I will never be unfaithful.

And faithfulness is not necessarily as fun, but always in my best interest.

It's better to work at the bank than rob it.


Be faithful (Proverbs 3:3-4).


Anonymous said...

Do you have any book recommendations for sex & marriage? Particularly for women.

Metropuritan Mark said...

Actually, my biggest recommendation is the Song of Solomon series by Mark Driscoll. It's all free on their website: Click "browse media" "sermons" then go the the Peasant Princess series on Song of Solomon.

I've found Driscoll to have the most relevant, biblical, helpful and entertaining perspective.

"The Gift of Sex" is also a good book for couples further down the road. It's more of a "Christian Sex Encyclopedia" than something you'd just read straight through.

J and J Masson said...

interesting post, he discusses driscoll in the post and driscoll's sex talk in the comment section.

Anonymous said...

Do you and your wife have any specific agreements as to how you protect your marriage and purity? So do you have one-on-one meetings (like for counseling) with college student women at Salt? And as a ministry leader and a husband what would you say is a temptation/trap that you might not have thought you would fall into, but realized that the danger was really there? Sometimes I think we aren't prepared for what we'll encounter and then we respond poorly because of it. We can get lazy and cocky and comfortable in our faith.

Donnie said...

I must respectfully disagree with you and your TSC buddy. Sex is all that it is cracked up to be when it is between a husband and wife as God meant it to be.

Metropuritan Mark said...

J and J-
I loved the missionsmisunderstood blog! Thanks for the vine.

Anonymous (2)-
We made our agreement on Dec 18, 1999. Actually, I think we try to be honest and not keep anything in the closet.

I never meet one on one with girls.

Dangers lurk everywhere. That's why abiding in Christ and delighting in him is the best weapon against any sin. We don't get victory over sin by focusing on avoiding sin, but on pursuing Jesus. Usually, when we fall into sin, it's b/c we didn't have full sight of Jesus.

Also, just a reminder that keeping our vows and boldly sticking to them is different than being cocky.

Here's some of what I'm dealing with... the guy who told me he never struggled with masturbation until he got married. He was hoping sex would be better than it was. Or, the many men (and I'm sure women, too) who get married and find sex less thrilling than internet porn, or a high school romance or, more recently, adultery.

My main point is to differentiate between "thrilling" and "fulfilling." Sin is a thrill. But it leaves you empty.

Of course, the only way to have good sex is to do it God's way. Statistics show: monogamous couples are most satisfied with their sex lives.

I just want to temper people's expectations a little.

J and J Masson said...

mark, the guy who writes the missionsmisunderstood blog will be in a meeting with tim and troy on friday. just a random bit of info. :) i'd say we don't agree with everything he talks about, but alot of it is GOOD stuff to get people thinking.

merlesgirl said...

I agree with Donnie.