Friday, May 15, 2009

My Friend Stan

I took the men on my staff team on a little outing on Wednesday and Thursday. One of the guys on my team is Stan. 

If you've never met a redneck, or don't know what people mean when they use that term, let me introduce you to my friend Stan.

This is how Stan rolls on the golf course...

Iowa rednecks can do anything. Because they grew up in a small town, they had to play every sport. Stan drives the ball 250+ yards (accurately) with a pitching wedge.

Below: Stan cooked for us while we were away. It was all stuff he killed. He asked, "Anyone up for breakfast sausage?" I said, "Stan what separates this as breakfast pork, and not just pork?" He said, "Because we're going to eat it in the morning."
A grill is not a foreign instrument to Stan. He pretty much has one ready to go in his truck at all times. 

Stan has 3 secret weapons...
"Accent" boasts on the front, "60% less sodium." On the back you'll find one ingredient: Monosodium Glutamate" (aka: MSG). The dude uses this in everything. China thinks Stan overuses MSG.

For Stan, "Just add water" is synonymous with "Just add Hee-Haw".  Our pancakes did taste a little better than usual.
Stan caught this fish using the chicken heart that he ripped out of the chicken he was cooking. He judges fish size by how well his fist fits into it.

I can be standing right next to Stan using the same lures, and he gets the fish. Natural selection must've taught them how to detect a worm guided by a city boy.
Below: When Stan sees a wild animal, in this case an Otter, he runs after it, not away from it. Here he is seen chasing the poor thing and trying to snag it with his fishing hook.

In the next two pictures, you'll see his resourcefulness. Here he uses a stick as a stringer.
Here his hat to hold our worms. If you see Stan, walk up close to his head, sniff, then ask, "You been fishin'? Your hair smells like worm."
[Not pictured]: When Stan thinks of what to bring on a _______ (you can fill in the blank, but in this case it was "retreat"), his first thoughts are "gun, football and frisbee"

[Not pictured]: For his discipleship with his freshmen guys, he takes them on a retreat called, "Hog Wild." He gets a hog, cuts it loose, and makes them catch it, kill it, and cook it. I'm sure if Jesus weren't Jewish he would've done the same.

All of this said, make fun of rednecks and hicks as much as you want (in this case, "as much as I want"), but if you are familiar with any great WW2 stories, you are bound to come across stories of Iowa/Midwest boys who won the war for us. 

Being around Stan I can see why. 

They are resourceful, bold as a lion, tough, know how to kill stuff, reliable, know how to do everything, have cave man instincts, intolerance for ideas and methods that don't work (a sort of fierce pragmatism), and a "Git'r'done" mentality.

If I'm on a landing craft staring down Normandy beach, there's no one I would rather be next to than Stan. That's one reason he's on my team.

God bless the rednecks.


Kiki@Seagulls in the Parking Lot said...

I bet his momma is so proud!

dannyandjessie said...

I'd like to know how he'll catch himself a women..

anders said...

This is hilarious.

TAMA said...

seems pretty normal to me. this post could use some MSG ;) for the record... i think this guys is dating a girl from the city who's lawyer.

clarkitect said...

Oh man, Heee Haw still exists? Friday and Saturday nights during my last two years of high school consisted of five guys and a case of Heee Haw.

It's always a good time when you have Heee Haw and MSG. Thanks for taking me back, and reminding us all it is cool to be a redneck. In fact, knowing one may save your life.

Sarah J. H said...

You are correct, this guy is dating a city-girl, who happens to be a lawyer, and I think he is the most amazing and godly man I have ever known. How did he "catch" me? Partly because of those "redneck" characteristics...boldness, resourcefulness, etc...but mostly because underneath all that is a servant leader who loves his King and genuinely loves people. (And besides, Mark is right, I know I will never have to worry about needing anything, my man will figure it out! And he'll figure it out quicker and "get'r done" quicker than any other guy out there!).

Jed said...

I remember Stan when he was just a Freshmen chillin' in my apartment, and look at him now! A big hairy man. I musta rubbed off a little.

Kiki@Seagulls in the Parking Lot said...

So, my husband caught some slack for my comment and I have to clarify. I really do think his momma is proud. As a mom of 3 boys, if my boys all grow up and can find their own food, kill it and then cook it and it tastes good. I will be so proud. No kidding in my comment.

Congratulations Sarah, for dating such a great guy!

Anonymous said...

The momma is proud!! - Stan is amazing and sometimes being raised with 3 sisters and an over loving mother I wonder how he ever got so tough. He is his father's son and I see it more all the time. His dad was the greatest man ever. As for faith, he has what it takes. Yes Stan, I'm very proud of you.I know your daddy is smiling down on your accomplishments and pleased you're using some of those hidden talents he said you had!! Love ya, MOM
P.S. Patience isn't your strongest virtue but I think it paid off waiting for Sarah.